Here’s the story of me…When I was a little girl (pre-teen years), I never thought much about boys or marriage or weddings at all. I assumed I would get married because that’s what people did. When I turned 16, I became a hopeless romantic and dreamed about the man I would fall in love with. I mean, this is just after Titanic came out and I thought I would find my “Jack.”
Since then, I had crush after crush, relationships, heartbreak and then some — always hoping I’d find the one right guy. But, never in that scenario did I have visions of some perfect wedding day. It always seemed kind of like an after thought — not to mention a lot of work.
I’ve been a bridesmaid in 9 weddings. I’ve always been honored to be a bridesmaid but the whole day is just exhausting. And if it’s exhausting for me…what must it be like for the bride?
For years, I’ve been saying I don’t need a big wedding. I’ve been saying a tiny destination wedding will be just fine — no big, messy details or fuss. In more recent years and months, I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t really even want to deal with that.
Maybe it’s because I’m older -- I’m not the 22-year-old bride with some big wedding budget or a lot of time before I need to start thinking about big life things like buying a house and having a family. I mean I’m past the age to start thinking about that stuff — and all that stuff? It costs a lot of money that I don’t have — especially in a city like Washington, DC.
As soon as I got engaged, I started getting the questions – when? where? People telling me they want to be there and make sure I give them enough time to make the trip. As much as I’d like to share that special day with those people that have been so important to me over the years, I just don’t want a wedding.
Me? Plan one of those? I don’t think so. I’m horrible with details and organization. Plus, making such a big fuss seems so beside the point of what we are doing. This is about US — not them. And I guess, it IS about them too — because they have loved me and heard me and hoped for me for so long — but for this relationship, me and Rick, it’s just not the thing for us.
If money were no barrier, and my parents were on board with paying, I might say hey, let’s go for it — at least something small. But, it’s not and I guess that just makes me realize that it’s not what’s important to me. Spending multiple thousands on this whole shebang seems like a complete waste. Would I like to have that moment where my Dad walks me down the aisle? The first dance with my new husband? Sure. But honestly, I think it’s a lot of hullabaloo over something that would just put us in debt.
I want a vacation. A real, tropical, beautiful, relaxing, wonderful vacation. I may have traveled the world and been on a terrible cruise once, but I’ve never had a true blue vacation likes this. Where we can indulge a little and stay in a nice hotel and drink cocktails on the beach and go ziplining on the islands and eat amazing seafood dinners by candle light and do whatever we want all day with no sense of time. I’d rather put the money for a wedding into this glorious week that doesn’t include stress or worrying about pleasing others (and costs a fourth of the price.) It’s about us. And it’s just us. And we can have our marriage ceremony for us — cause that’s who this is about.
I kind of wonder, am I fooling myself? Just letting this whole “don’t want a wedding thing” live because it’s the reality I’m in? I’m not 100% sure. But either way, the wedding is a day. The marriage is forever. And the money we save by not having a big ceremony is an investment in our future.
Thoughts? I’m all ears