Why I Don’t Want a Wedding

Share this post

Here’s the story of me…When I was a little girl (pre-teen years), I never thought much about boys or marriage or weddings at all. I assumed I would get married because that’s what people did. When I turned 16, I became a hopeless romantic and dreamed about the man I would fall in love with. I mean, this is just after Titanic came out and I thought I would find my “Jack.”

Since then, I had crush after crush, relationships, heartbreak and then some — always hoping I’d find the one right guy. But, never in that scenario did I have visions of some perfect wedding day. It always seemed kind of like an after thought — not to mention a lot of work.

I’ve been a bridesmaid in 9 weddings. I’ve always been honored to be a bridesmaid but the whole day is just exhausting. And if it’s exhausting for me…what must it be like for the bride?

For years, I’ve been saying I don’t need a big wedding. I’ve been saying a tiny destination wedding will be just fine — no big, messy details or fuss. In more recent years and months, I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t really even want to deal with that.

Maybe it’s because I’m older -- I’m not the 22-year-old bride with some big wedding budget or a lot of time before I need to start thinking about big life things like buying a house and having a family. I mean I’m past the age to start thinking about that stuff — and all that stuff? It costs a lot of money that I don’t  have — especially in a city like Washington, DC.

As soon as I got engaged, I started getting the questions – when? where? People telling me they want to be there and make sure I give them enough time to make the trip. As much as I’d like to share that special day with those people that have been so important to me over the years, I just don’t want a wedding.

Me? Plan one of those? I don’t think so. I’m horrible with details and organization. Plus, making such a big fuss seems so beside the point of what we are doing. This is about US — not them. And I guess, it IS about them too — because they have loved me and heard me and hoped for me for so long — but for this relationship, me and Rick, it’s just not the thing for us.

If money were no barrier, and my parents were on board with paying, I might say hey, let’s go for it — at least something small. But, it’s not and I guess that just makes me realize that it’s not what’s important to me.  Spending multiple thousands on this whole shebang seems like a complete waste. Would I like to have that moment where my Dad walks me down the aisle? The first dance with my new husband? Sure. But honestly, I think it’s a lot of hullabaloo over something that would just put us in debt.

I want a vacation. A real, tropical, beautiful, relaxing, wonderful vacation. I may have traveled the world and been on a terrible cruise once, but I’ve never had a true blue vacation likes this. Where we can indulge a little and stay in a nice hotel and drink cocktails on the beach and go ziplining on the islands and eat amazing seafood dinners by candle light and do whatever we want all day with no sense of time. I’d rather put the money for a wedding into this glorious week that doesn’t include stress or worrying about pleasing others (and costs a fourth of the price.) It’s about us. And it’s just us. And we can have our marriage ceremony for us — cause that’s who this is about.

I kind of wonder, am I fooling myself? Just letting this whole “don’t want a wedding thing” live because it’s the reality I’m in? I’m not 100% sure. But either way, the wedding is a day. The marriage is forever. And the money we save by not having a big ceremony is an investment in our future.

Thoughts? I’m all ears :)

  • http://www.bradcarlson.org/ Brad

    My wife and I often say we wish we had done something simple, like a Justice of the Peace. There were too many dramatics amongst the wedding party, organist, manager of the reception hall, etc. Your perspective is dead on. It's about your *life* together moreso than one huge day. I don't know the stats, but I would venture to say that in many cases the length of a marriage is in inverse proportion to the decadence of the wedding festivities.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09340871847877151911 bethp262

    We had a small wedding at our church followed by a luncheon in a nearby cafe. We had less than 40 guests, I bought my dress off the rack at a bridal outlet for $150, my husband bought a linen suit that he was able to wear many times after. The entire day was around $1500 and it was perfect for us! You need to do what is right for you. I agree going into debt for a wedding is NOT the way to begin a marriage!

  • http://www.bradcarlson.org/ Brad

    My wife and I often say we wish we had done something simple, like a Justice of the Peace. There were too many dramatics amongst the wedding party, organist, manager of the reception hall, etc. Your perspective is dead on. It's about your *life* together moreso than one huge day. I don't know the stats, but I would venture to say that in many cases the length of a marriage is in inverse proportion to the decadence of the wedding festivities.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09340871847877151911 bethp262

    We had a small wedding at our church followed by a luncheon in a nearby cafe. We had less than 40 guests, I bought my dress off the rack at a bridal outlet for $150, my husband bought a linen suit that he was able to wear many times after. The entire day was around $1500 and it was perfect for us! You need to do what is right for you. I agree going into debt for a wedding is NOT the way to begin a marriage!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12797404801726816612 Unknown

    I'm in DC as well, and set to tie the knot in July 2014. My SO has been married before, this is my first. I plan on getting married at the Manhattan Marriage Bureau. I'm not a fan of chaotic crowds or large parties so if I were to have had a wedding it would've been small. My father passed in November 2012, he would have been the only reason for me to even consider having a small wedding. My mother and I have a strained relationship, and I don't care for the extended family at all. If I were to invite all of them, and they actually show, I can almost guarantee it would've be the worst day ever. Not to mention the cost of it all. No sir. City Hall it is.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12797404801726816612 Unknown

    I'm in DC as well, and set to tie the knot in July 2014. My SO has been married before, this is my first. I plan on getting married at the Manhattan Marriage Bureau. I'm not a fan of chaotic crowds or large parties so if I were to have had a wedding it would've been small. My father passed in November 2012, he would have been the only reason for me to even consider having a small wedding. My mother and I have a strained relationship, and I don't care for the extended family at all. If I were to invite all of them, and they actually show, I can almost guarantee it would've be the worst day ever. Not to mention the cost of it all. No sir. City Hall it is.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12797404801726816612 Unknown

    I'm in DC as well, and set to tie the knot in July 2014. My SO has been married before, this is my first. I plan on getting married at the Manhattan Marriage Bureau. I'm not a fan of chaotic crowds or large parties so if I were to have had a wedding it would've been small. My father passed in November 2012, he would have been the only reason for me to even consider having a small wedding. My mother and I have a strained relationship, and I don't care for the extended family at all. If I were to invite all of them, and they actually show, I can almost guarantee it would've be the worst day ever. Not to mention the cost of it all. No sir. City Hall it is.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12797404801726816612 Unknown

    I'm in DC as well, and set to tie the knot in July 2014. My SO has been married before, this is my first. I plan on getting married at the Manhattan Marriage Bureau. I'm not a fan of chaotic crowds or large parties so if I were to have had a wedding it would've been small. My father passed in November 2012, he would have been the only reason for me to even consider having a small wedding. My mother and I have a strained relationship, and I don't care for the extended family at all. If I were to invite all of them, and they actually show, I can almost guarantee it would've be the worst day ever. Not to mention the cost of it all. No sir. City Hall it is.

  • Anonymous

    This is exactly how I am feeling right now! Thanks for making me feel less alone.

  • Anonymous

    This is exactly how I am feeling right now! Thanks for making me feel less alone.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09931425371511292219 Kimberly Felts

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • http://twitter-guide-1.blogspot.com/ Nena

    Beneficial Blog! I had been simply just debating that there are plenty of screwy results at this issue you now purely replaced my personal belief. Thank you an excellent write-up.…I will be happy if you visit my blog and say something http://twitter-guide-1.blogspot.com/

  • Whippoorwill

    This is probably too late to be of any consequence, but I found your post to be refreshing. You give me hope that there is at least one independent thinker who isn’t blindly following the self-indulgent and pretentious trend in weddings that has most young women following like sheep. We’ve lost the true meaning of a wedding ceremony–the joining together of two people in marriage, witnessed by close family and friends–and have perverted it into a lavish display to impress guests with the cleverness of the bride/princess-for-a-day with irrelevant gimmicks.

    Like photo booths with silly hats. And awkward, choreographed dances in which the parents, in truth, feel like fools. But the most discouraging is that young people entering the adult world are so easily smitten with indulging their “fantasy” weddings, in which they give themselves a starring role. They’ve confused the serious commitment with playing a role of fairytale princess, or rock video star.

    I think weddings should be about the vows and the dignity of the bond you are forming. So skip the dog-and-pony show, put a down payment on a home and focus on the meaning of the day. Elope, or marry at the local courthouse or your parents backyard. It doesn’t matter. Then treat each other with love, respect and a healthy sense of humor, and you’ll find true happiness.